27 - Plucking Madam Attitude

I have recently been made aware that the older family, the original 5 Chickens: Monsieur and Madam Poulet, Heather, Feather and Attitude are 10 years old, which in itself is quite an age for chickens. This interesting fact in itself maybe one of the reasons why they are all a little bit tetchy from time to time, with a high level of intolerance for the four youngsters. Madam Attitude is now looking half naked as she or the other chickens are pulling out her feathers. Not an attractive site and in places looks quite bald. She seems in good health but as always very distant and very much a loner. As always she keeps herself to herself and forever checking to see what's going on over her shoulder...

Madams Heather & Feather continue to groom Monsieur Poulet and carry that smug appeal of being superior in the Hen Pen hierarchy of hen power. Also they are not wanting to integrate with the youngsters but continue to peck them regardless for no apparent reason. Pitiful to see really because the youngsters are now larger than inherited five. In Chicken language I am told this is called the Pecking Order...

Monsieur and Madam Poulette are as always a handsome couple, she has a quite reserve for the cockerel. which is returned with mutual respect (with no hanky panky going on). Unlike Heather and Feather, Madam Poulette is extremely tolerant of the youngster's and enjoys their company and shares any food without pecking them. Generally a lovely old bird who will be a great grand hen one day, probably to one of the youngster's off spring...

It goes without saying that it is not in our prime interest to indulge in the taste of the older family. They are still great as layers and produce more eggs than we can eat, otherwise these birds will be too tough to eat I am sure....

The youngsters are growing very big, my favourite hen, newly named: Princess Poulette is such a sweetheart and follows me around regardless. It has been known many time for her to rub herself against my leg, much like a cat would, when I go in feed them. She easily weighs 4lb and the other three youngsters are not far outside of this weight. These three we have raised so that we can eat them-----but in all honesty, I am still not up for that just yet. As for Princess Poulet I hope to breed from her with the current cockerel (Monsieur Poulet) - that is if he is interested...

Note: If anyone knows the average age of chickens before they expire the natural world, I would love to know, please leave MSG on comments below.
Note 2: Any information about feather plucking in chickens would be appreciated, please leave MSG on comments below.

26 - Chicken Poo

My chief task for today is to have a bit of a clean up in Hen Pen Coup, having 9 chickens can get quite messy much of the time, so regular clean outs makes the task that much easier. Also we are still in the midst of a heat wave, so the earlier I tackle this task the better. Truly not my favourite job but with face mask, wellies and dungarees I am ready to take the job on. "Yuk, yuk, yuk, Oh no, how disgustingly horrid". Yes I had forgotten to put my chicken gloves on and the worst has happened to me. To steady myself whilst bringing the cleaning gear into the coup, I grab hold of the nearest perch, only to squeeze through a huge freshly laid lump of Chick Poo. Yuk, I'm clearly feeling squeamish as the poo has digested itself under all my finger nails. No rags to hand, I lend myself to the grass in Hen Pen garden only to wipe more of the same on the hand. I am very near to throwing up and have voweled my days are numbered as a Country Girl, this life is not for me. Battling to get the upper hand here, I can here Max in the background shouting at Louisa. I can't image why Max should be shouting at her and struggle to get up and out of Hen Pen Garden to see if I can help. Too late, Sugar Lump is on the scene saying "What's going on". "She's not pulling her weight" Max complains. "It was Louisa's responsibility to prune the pear trees, but she is only doing half a job". "Sounds about right to me" says Sugar Lump. Louisa then turns on Sugar Lump frowning and says "Rubbish, That's not fair, I've been working my socks off" and adds, "and what have you been doing Sugar Lump"? "Oh I'm on Tractor duty today - planning the exit of another dead tree". Louisa, starts to argue further with Sugar Lump and then Max steps in and shouts over to me. "Carol Irene, do come and sort your daughter out, she's only doing half a job here". Max has clearly taken the responsibility on as Project Manager and probably pushing it a little too far with Louisa. "If he calls me that name just once more, I know a wobbly will have to be the final straw". I mutter to myself as I walk from Hen Pen with chicken poo on my hand to see if I can sort the problem....

Louisa is clearly upset at being shouted at by Max and Sugar Lump and has since down tools and is in a strop. If it had been the chickens that had been in a two and eight then I would know exactly what to do - yes dish up a bowl of corn. Can't do that with this lot, so I offer a cup of tea, so we can encourage to talk the problem through, this does not go down too well at all....

In my book I did not expect any work to be done on the house or in the garden, especially as they are all here on holiday. Just very pleased they are all here and appreciate that they have all been so willing to get stuck in. Every little helps. I can see that all seem a little stressed and uncomfortable, so I suggest that being as the sun is shining and still quite early in the day. "Lets pack up a picnic and head for the coast, which is only 35 minutes away". They all cheer in agreement - lets do it. Max comes rushing over to me and shakes my hand, "great idea Carol Irene, lets go", he smiles. Max not knowing of course, what covers my hand and I am not in a rush to tell him - at long last I have got my own back on him...A result....

20 - A deafening shrill from Hen Pen garden

Image - Tractor Man with Chain Saw

The shrill is excruciatingly deafening and its coming from Hen Pen garden. Even louder than Tractor Man, who has his Chain Saw going at full pelt, he is making in-roads into cutting up a dead pear tree into logs for the Winter. I can see from a distance that there is a lot of flapping of wings and the noise is coming from more than one chicken. I am assisting the Tractor Man in steadying a branch whilst he cuts through; he cock’s an eye toward the hens and say’s “sounds like a lot of fun going on over there”. “Sounds more like death to me, I must go over to see what the problem is” I say. “No give me two ticks and I should be finished here” he insists. I know only too well how long two ticks is, with this Tractor Man., could be all day or longer. “No, please just stop, I literally will only be two ticks, something dreadful is going on over there"…

I let go of the branch and run like mad to Hen Pen garden. I can hear Tractor Man shouting at me but I ignore him. “What the heck is going on here” I ask in anguish. “God only knows” replies Monsieur Poulet; puts his hands on his hips and says “Women”. I am relieved that there is no obvious damage done to the girls, no one appears to be physically hurt or injured. “What do you mean women, have you been upsetting the ladies again”? I say. “Not at all" he says, "just take a look at her". Monsieur Poulet is looking towards a very anguished Madame Attitude. Its quite apparent that Madame Attitude has attitude today, she's squawking and screaming at the top of her voice. Heather and Feather are joining in with a lower shrill and straight guy Monsieur is brushing down his coat and turning his guilty head away from me. “Monsieur Poulet”, I say sternly “have you been romancing with these Madame’s”? The four youngsters have disappeared into the coup, in fear no doubt and keeping their distance. “No worries Chicken Maid!!. "Just leave it to me, I can sort my women out” says lippy cocky Monsieur. “I doubt it”, I say and trundle off and placate the situation with a fresh bowl of corn for all. “You best get back to that noise over there” he says getting the final word…

I look over to where I left the Tractor Man and “Oh my God”, he has fallen on his side with his right leg out stretched; his trouser bottom hooked on a branch that has levered his leg up so high that he cannot move. The Chain Saw is still going but at a distance. I can see that he is not hurt but I ask the question “Are you hurt dearest one? whatever happened?” “Don’t asked”, he says abruptly, “just get me out of this tree”. I desperately try not to snigger as I have never seen his leg up so high and curse that I have not got my camera to hand. Like, they do in a circus, I jump and grab hold of the branch that has grasped hold of Tractor Mans leg and pull the branch down to enable the trouser bottom to be released…

Apart from a scratch to his arm, no real harm has been done, also he is in fine voice as he gives me a lot of ear bashing about abandoning his cause. I gently remind him, when taking on dangerous tasks, that he really should read up on the Health and Safety procedures to ensure that accident like this do not happen. His dinner plate size hands lift to indicate my throat. I say, "put them away Dear One and lets have a nice cup of tea". "TEA" he says in an insulting manner. "I deserve something stronger than that.... "Men" I say to Monsieur Poulet...

19 - Panning for the Future

Having got to know quite a few people locally, that are adapting fully into THE GOOD WAY OF LIFE with tremendous enthusiasm for working their own smallholding. I can fully see the benefits why they would want to grow their own fruit and vegetables. Apart from Chickens many rear other types of poultry and farm animals for their own consumption, which include Sheep, Goats (for milk and cheese) and Pigs. All swear by how much tastier their produce is and how much healthier they feel in themselves. I questioned how this would tie them down but I am assured that there is a big enough network of self supporting smallholders in this area for everyone to help each other when and if...

Sounds good to me - maybe I should consider expanding. First things first, I have to see what Tractor Man thinks to the idea. "Great" he says, "We have plenty of Mint Sauce, so yes a couple of Lambs would be good to kick off with and they would help to keep the grass down", says the keen Engineer. "Oh No", its that black and white conversation again. "Do you know how to keep sheep" I ask. "What about their welfare, feeding, housing etc". "No need to concern yourself over that, there's always the Internet for sourcing answers" adds Tractor Man. "Mmmm, maybe just a good reference book would be better", I say knowing full well just how long the Internet-ism can keep the Tractor Man from doing other things. "Good idea" he says and goes to the Internet to find a good book on small farms. Oh no - I can't win, there goes another afternoon...

Taking the Tractor Man's arm, I steer him away from the computer out of the house and change the contents of the conversation. "Maybe we should consider having Geese, ducks and a turkey first and see how we get on, before we take on any lambs. At least we are getting a bit of a handle on the chickens just now". "Yes", he answers, "I see where you are coming from Dearest, but you still may have to pick the poultry up and you know the problem you are having with the chickens". Of course, my black and white man does indeed have a point. "I agree with you Darling but let us try and gain as much information as possible about farm animals between now and Spring and then reconsider our situation when the young ones are being born"...

My arm still tucked in with Tractor Man, we are walking towards Hen Pen Garden and all nine chicken's are lined up by the gate wanting attention or food. I point out a few Health and Safety issues with the fencing, as it is just a matter of time before something unforeseen happens. Without any hesitation, my man has his full attention on the job in hand and fixed the fencing up a treat..."Job Done" he says proudly and adds "Now where's my Tractor"?

18 - Pecking Order

Image - The Oldens sticking together

In the few weeks living our new life in France with our new found feathered friends, its good to see that the original birds have all put on a little bit of weight. I am either feeding them too much or they were not fed very well by their previous owners. The latter makes more sense being as they were only fed on corn then. I have know idea how to tell the age of our chicken's but all five have crusty old looking legs. Looking down and comparing my own, I would definitely say that they are getting on a bit but gracefully of course. The five youngsters have enormous appetites and don't mess about when food has been dished up. That is of course, if the elderly chickens allow them to get anywhere near the food. Heather and Feather in particular are quite a nasty couple towards the youngsters, forever pecking and pushing away the little ones. Of course, I do the obvious thing, put my hand on my hips and shout a thing or two - but who's going to listen to this old bird. Darling Heart says to leave them alone and they will sort themselves out eventually. I'm not convinced but then I am a novice after all. It looks at this stage, as if it is very much the old and new school, both families keeping their distance. When the youngsters get close to the oldens then the bullying starts, with a lot of pecking and pulling out of feathers. I have seen frequently Heather & Feather going for the youngsters eyes, this I am not happy with. "They are the first for the casserole dish" Say's Darling Heart. I tend to agree with him now, rather than see real damage done to the youngsters "but then on the other hand", I add, "who wants to eat tough old birds". "You won't notice any difference if I put them in a curry" he says convincingly...

Today I have started giving out the breakfast in two bowls instead of just the one. This is to ensure that the youngsters are guaranteed some nourishment in the mornings. I was surprised that the older birds still tried to chase the youngsters away from the second bowl by continuing with the aggressive pecking. To stop this continuing I stood fast between the two bowls, encouraging the young ones to have a peaceful undisturbed breakfast. When the older ones came near, it was easier for me to shoo them away. Giving them a final warning on the Curry Pot...

"So is it chicken curry tonight" says Darling Heart. "No please, lets leave it for now, lets give them a little longer, they will probably settle down" "and besides we need the eggs". I look pleadingly. "I don't think so, there's nine in the pantry today but I will give YOU more time to settle down" says Darling Heart as he goes out to check the tractor engine...

17 - Poulet Cuisine (Petit Dejeuner)

Image - two of the Youngsters

"Its terrific, the chickens eat all food scraps left over from our meals and it seems, not at all fussy about anything" I say enthusiastically to Emily and Louisa my daughters who will be visiting very soon now. Max Emily's fiance is also coming and we are all very much looking forward to the visit, even Sugar Plum is excited. I am delighted that I don't have to throw away left over food stuffs anymore, always did make me feel guilty - but not anymore. "What food do you give them", Emily asks, sounding interested. I am having this conversation via Skype with both daughters on the computer. Its free and we can chat for as long as we like, its helps me as I miss them terribly. "All sort" I respond, listing the contents. "Chopped cooked vegetable for one, they are also quite partial to potatoes, rice, pasta, chinese food and don't say no to a little lasagna". Also, they adore cheese and can get quite aggresive trying to get to the last morsel. Most of all though, there most favourite food of all time is roast chicken skin and even quite partial to the parsons nose." At this my daughters are in uproar, shouting and screaming at me at the top of there voices, that I should not be giving chickens, chicken to eat. "Why ever not" I respond. "Well its obvious why not" says Louisa. "Is it really, well then why not, I don't give it to them everyday and they simply adore the flavour". Louisa and Emily are beside themselves in anguish. "Its inhuman" says Emily, "They are not human" I respond "Canabalism even" adds Emily. I am desparately trying not to laugh and just steady my sensible hat. I have been giving the chickens scraps like this for a while now and to be honest there have been no adverse side effects. Pretty much happy, shiny coats, wet nose and not so skinny anymore - yes they are healthy, no problem there. "They love Sage and Onion stuffing with it of course". I add. "You are treating the chickens like children" they say to me. "Don't be so daft, I just give them scraps that are left over from every day meals". It keeps me happy, as I am not throwing away food and the chickens just love the interesting variety of Petit Dejeuner given to them each morning", its a win win really" Its exhausting arguing this one so I put one final question to them. "If you can prove that chickens eating chicken is a bad thing, then I would be interetsted to know more".... If you have a response to this subject, please post your comments below - thank you....

16 - You are not eating my girls

Image below - Sugar Plum

"Hello Sugar Plum, its me Scrum" I say to my husband, who is in England working. "Can't wait for you to come back home, I have a terrific surprise for you" I say enthusiastically. "Really, what's that then"? - "sorry can't say, as I said its a surprise". "Give us a clue then" he says sounding exasperated. "Nope". "If its anything to do with Tractors or Food, I'm interested, am I close" he says. Oh dear he is close - but I'm not for having my girls eaten. "You will see tomorrow, when you get back here" rapidly, I change the subject and remind him that his Sister Pauline and John our Brother Inlaw are arriving in a couple of days time and start to talk menu's. He bounces back "will they like the surprise". "Undoubtedly but Sugar Plum can we please talk menu's"?...

Sugar Plum arrives back home on time and he is beaming from ear to ear. "So where is this surprise" he says. "Whatever happened to Hello darling, how have you been, big hugs and kisses" I say, with fist clenched, "Oh yes, I forgot", then wraps his engineering arms around me, pats me with his dinner plate size hands and plants a smackeroo on my forehead. I wriggle out of this vice like grip, grab one of his dinner plate hands and drag him out to Hen Pen Garden. "There you are, our four new babies, all hens". I smile enthusiastically, hoping that he will be pleased with the family increase. The four new chicks were as yesterday huddled together by the fence, still feeling insecure and possible afraid of the older chickens. "Don't you think they look so cute and they are only eight weeks old". "Yes, you have done well and they look in good nick, but more importantly, when can we eat them"? I give him that How very dare you look and say as much. "No one is for eating my chicks", I elbow him in annoyance and start to walk away. Oh no - here come those dinner plates again but I walk a little faster. "Scrummy" - he says "stop, lets just talk about this sensibly". I know what sensible is with this guy all black and white, and engineering matter in between. He wants to eat these lovely chicks and I cannot argue with him, we had the "living the good life" conversations many time before we moved to France. Right now I just cannot be faced with this side of the good life. It was so much easier to go into Tesco's and pick up a ready prepared chicken to roast, even if they were battery hens. "I must get my head out of this time warp", I tell myself. He continues but I am not wanting the discussion, I know its me that has to get real and also how do I approach this with my lovely daughters who will be here in two weeks time "Chickens taste so much better if you rear them yourself" he persists, "and so says everyone else Sugar Plum, but for now haven't you got a dead tree to chop down"?...

15 - The Young Ones

Image - The four younsters

Its a long drive home and I wish I had left my face mask on, the smell from the four youngsters is putrid. The windows are open and I successfully rummage for tissues to hold to my mouth to ease up on the gagging. With difficulty I attempt to talk to the anxious girls that are making quite a racket in the back of the car "not long now girls, soon be home and tucked up in your new home Hen Pen". I jam on the brakes, its an emergency the gagging has got the better of me and I wonder have I got Bird Flu or some other nasty disease. 10 minutes later after a drink of water and a few deep breaths of fresh air, I am on my way again and at speed with the fan full blast on in my face. Reconciling my doubtful purchase with the fact that I shall be giving the hens a good life with much more freedom and excellent Poulet cuisine, makes me feel better about the situation...and wondering what Sugar Plum will think of today's purchase.

With wheelbarrow to hand I ease the box out of the back of the car, "no more tilting up for my girls" I mutter, I want happy hens. I wheel the load into Hen Pen, put the box on the ground and untie the string. The youngsters stay put huddled up together not wanting to move. "Uppy Duppy you are safe here, come on girls" I say encouragingly...

The five original chickens are looking on. Monsieur Poulet has his hands on his hips giving me that all important look again. "No good looking at me like that Monsieur, it doesn't impress me none, these chicks are here to stay". Madam Poulette, gives me that sideways glance and fluffs up her skirt and sidles up to Monsieur. Heather, Feather and Attitude are cautiously looking on at a distance and checking out their manicure and smoothing down their feathers. "I truly expect you five to set an example here and get on nicely with these youngsters" I say, hoping.

The youngsters slowly get out of the box, they are very frightened and instantly huddle together and stay like that for several hours. I introduce them to baby mash and fresh water, which they tuck into immediately and later in the evening I settle them in the coup for a well deserved good night sleep...Now for a chat Sugar Plum...

14 - Increasing the Girls

I am now at the stage where I am feeling a little more comfortable with the residence of Hen Pen and don't fear so much that they will peck me to death. Picking the chickens up is still something that I cannot get to grips with, so for now that part of being A Chicken Maid is on hold. I don't see it as a totally necessary act, but for now I just enjoy getting to know my Feathered Friends. Madam Poulette continues to be broody but comes off the nest each day for about 15 mins, during this time I endeavour to collect any eggs she may have laid and don't worry myself silly about picking her up anymore..

Today is Market day and its going to be a big one I am told, I am keen to get there early to see what's going on in Chicken Corner. Feeling a little more confidant this time, as I know more or less what to expect but again it is very hot, so I take with me my face mask and drinking water to avoid gagging and retching. I have arranged to meet up with "The Experts" in the hope that they will teach me the basics in identity. Again it is very popular with the Brits and the French with people buying all sorts, Guinea Fowl, Turkey's, Chicken's etc. Much of the poultry looks really ugly and dirty but most of all very smelly - not my favourite place to be and already I am starting to gag, so I walk away. {B} shouts to me "There's some nice 8 week old fattener's here Carol", "really" I say. "you don't want anymore layers" he adds, "as you will have too many eggs to cope with". I agree with {B} and not sure why I am agreeing anything but these small chickens really do look cute. I have been told that all the chickens are ex battery, instantly I want to rescue them all but I settle for four eight week old chicks; two white and two tan and been assured that they are all hens and not cockerels. The stall holder puts the hens in a good size box by my insistence, don't want my birds couped up unnecessarily in a small box. She ties a piece of string round the box and hands the box to me. As I pick up the box the first thing to happen is that the chicks all slide down to one end as the box tilted. Instantly the chicks are alarmed and start to chirrup like mad. "No problem", I say to the stall holder smiling, who was watching me carefully. My pride being dented due to my mis management of the situation and instantly realising that the smaller box would have been more ideal for transporting my new born's. I tilt the box up hoping for a better balance within the contents but then, they all slide to the other end of the box. I smile and wipe the sweat from my brow, gagging and desperately wanting to run a mile but I stood my ground. {A} suggested that I just pick up the box and carry it to my car! yes I had thought of that but I know how these little lovelies can peck. They have room enough to put there heads out of the hand made air holes and then I would be in even more trouble with the obvious pecking order.

Driving home I wished I had just settled for buying vegetables but here I have four little chickens chirping away in the back of the car, that I have to release into their new Hen Pen home...yet another obstacle to overcome...

13 - The experts are here

Image - The Poultry People Amanda & Bernie

The Poultry People A & B are now in Normandy and visited us today. In the five days since there arrival here in Normandy they have purchased 3 Toulouse Geese, ordered in advance of the move, as well as ducks and chickens from the local market. We invite them in and you guessed it here comes the millions and one questions stored in my head. We have a fabulous lunch just getting to know each other and immediately we know we will all get along well, so many things in common and interests. With many questions answered we then, show them around and of course they want to see Hen Pen Garden and the Chickens. Fully expecting A & B to say pull the coups down once they set eye's on them; they surprised me further and said the coups are fine, they just need a bit of a clean. At this point I cringe and shrink back into my own private clean world (I want my townie life back). "but the cobwebs, have you seen the length of them"? I say in alarm! "and the shitty saw dust is 2 inches thick". I was back in the Indiana Jones film, imagining all sorts crawling out of the wood work and not surviving. Yet, another nightmare to get over. I succumb, that this is just another test in life to endure and tell myself to "get a grip and get over it", that it is just another cleaning job that needs attention "BUT YUK" never had a phobia before about such things - "why now" I question myself. At this point Amanda says, "would you like us to do it"? I am gob smacked at this point that anyone should want to help with this task. Without a moments hesitation I say "Oh Yes Please" and before I know it, it is all arranged that they come round the next morning. "There is a God" I say out loud and we all laugh, pinching myself at such kindness...

The next morning all went to plan A & B arrived armed with appropriate gear and got on with the job of clearing out the coups, whilst I wheelbarrow the majority of the poo to the - to be veggie patch. 30 wheelbarrow loads all told; and as they say excellent manure. Horrible job that had to be done and the help was very much appreciated. After giving the walls and ground a thorough spray of a disinfection solution, I then covered the floor with 1" thickness of fresh saw dust. My Chickens, do now live in 5 star accommodation. Bernie had suggested that being as I only had 5 chickens, it was not really necessary to have two coups going at the same time and why not use Coup 2 for storage. "What an excellent idea" so coup 2 in not now accessible for the chickens. He also said, that coup 1 is large enough to accommodate upto 12 Chickens..."Fabulous" I say. Thank you so much Amanda and Bernie...

12 - Flirting with Monsieur Poulet

Image - Monsieur Poulet

"Oh Please girls", "how could you". Heather and Feather are flirting with Monsieur Poulet. "Have you no pride", "he really is not worth so much attention and you know what the outcome will be - more tears". Monsieur is being necked by both the girls at once. He is standing very tall, stretching his neck and fluffing out his feathery ruffle round his neck. There is no doubt that he is a handsome cockerel and obviously admired by the hens. The girls are cleaning him up, pecking lightly all round his neck and chest. He has his eye's shut and thoroughly enjoying the attention. "Don't come crying to me with a sore back later" I say to Heather and Feather but as always I am totally ignored. I have seen just how rough this guy can be and it wouldn't be the first time I have seen the damage he can do with those dreadful spurs at the back of his legs, drawing blood every time. I tell my concerns to Sweetness my Tractor Man, to which he responds "that's my boy, good for him" "not much good to us if he doesn't do the business" "Yeh but Sweetness - two hens at once"."Its in his jeans" adds, a smiling Sweetness..." On dear, Oh dear" I mutter...

Later that day there is a dreadful racket going on in Hen Pen. I shoot out there like grease lightning to find out what's it all about. Yes, its Monsieur Poulet doing the business, not with Heather or Feather as would have been expected but with Attitude Hen. The noise is unbelievable, with Heather and Feather doing a double take round Hen Pen, yelling at the top of their heads - no doubt cries of rejection. Monsieur and Attitude are making Whoopee. "See", I say to Heather and Feather "I told you so"... I feel a little sad for Heather and Feather the two blond madams, had put so much effort into grooming Monsieur...

10 - The Coups

Image - Coup 1 left, Coup 2 right

Since day one, I have not been happy with the state of the coups. On the ground the coups are covered with 2" thick carpet of saw dust and chicken poo. Stinks like buggary and the cob webs are black and hanging limp like in long thick strands upto 18". "Yuk" I hate every time I have to walk into the coups, in fact I dread it almost as much as attempting to pick up a chicken. Reminds me of the film "Indiana Jones", or worse. I have already mentioned this to the experts A & B and they have said leave it for now and we will access the situation within the next week, "Its probably really alright" says Bernie "just hold in there a little longer". "I will", I promise. I have already run this by Sweetie Pie but he says "its fine, you worry too much. Besides the set up those chickens have is more like a 5 star hotel". "Yeh But", I respond "perhaps if you were in Health and Safety for Chickens, you might feel differently". Sweetie Pie gives me a big engineering hug and plants an affectionate kiss on the top of my head. "Yeh but.. would you like to tread that muck bare footed" Got him at last - as I polish my nails on my t-shirt!! this is a man that would not tread sand at the sea side, let alone a chicken coup. Sweetie Pie responds "I would if I were a chicken"....

9 - In Prison

Images - The troublesome hens

Madam Poulette once again sneers, growls and has a go at pecking me this morning. I abandon any idea of trying to pick her up, my confidence level has dropped to minus 10. Hen Attitude, continues to just sit in the far corner of Coup 2 and although successful in shooing her out to join the rest, she continues to squawk like mad, running her marathon at the same time, nr 30 miles per hr - I guess. "How stupid can you get", I say, wondering if hens do have variable degrees of behaviour patterns. "Time will tell, no doubt" once again, muttering to myself. I also think, if people in England heard the way I talk to my new found feathered friends, they would probably classify me totally mad and lock me away - ha ha. I reconcile myself to my muttering that "at least its keeping me sane"...

"Bonjour Carrolll - Ca va!! a double twist to the rr's in Carol and a triple twist to the lll's make my name for the first time ever, sound quite cool - even attractive. I make a mental note to encourage Malcolm to speak to me more with a French accent, he would probably get better results from me instead of Oiu, Scrum or FOB (Sorry can't divulge to an audience what this means. (our little secret)). However I will respond to any guess below put on comments!! "Bonjour {N}, {C} - Ca va trei bien" I respond to the previous owners, who now lives close by. They have come over to let me know that they will be away for the weekend and to ask if everything is alright with me. What a prize opportunity, I think to myself. Yes - correct, here comes the million questions buzzing around in my head, well for now perhaps just a couple. "The Poulet" I say and encourage them to walk with me to Hen Pen Garden. Once again in limited French, I make in-roads in making them understand the problems I have with Attitude & Madam Poulette. "Is this normal" I say. "No problem Carrrollll" says smiling {N}". {C} his wife is talking to me about her Grand daughter and I am desperately trying to understand some of the words she is saying from my French Lessons. At the same time I am alarmed that {N} has put his hand on the back of Madam Poulette neck and then picks her up by the scruff and has taken her outside the coup. I follow, as I definitely do not like the way she is squawking. Before I know it, both hens are shut away in coup 2 and the door locked. "Prison" {C} says smiling "no food or water for 3 days", they will then behave themselves....

My jaw drops and for once I am speechless. I slap myself into action and say "no, this is not necessary, they are not bad birds", its just that I need to understand how to handle situations" I stammer. "The hens will be fine in 3 days - no problem" says smiling {N}. "no food or water is best", I am re-assured by {C}. "God, if this is the way the French do it, then I will not be asking them another question". Maybe I am totally naive: I ask myself and this is how you make chickens behave themselves. "Keep an open mind and do your homework later", I tell myself...

Outside Hen Pen garden, I ask {N} another question, "is it normal for grass to be this waist high? is this what chickens like"? "No, No Carrolll" and walks into my barn and comes out with a scythe. The forever smiling {N} walks into Hen Pen garden and starts to cut the long grass down. My turn to say "No, No {N}, I was not asking you to cut the grass, I can do that, I was just asking the question". We are at the stage when anything and everything said is lost. I am panic stricken and can't think straight for fear of my two lovely hens, which are squawking like mad in coup 2...

We say our goodbye's and I go in-doors for a wine and start to search the Internet for Chicken Prison. I find nothing and I listen outside for the birds but they have quietened down, thankfully...

I struggle like mad coming to terms with this situation and I am definitely not happy. I text Sugar Plum my husband and he just comes back with "not good" and no solution. I do not sleep all night, this cannot be right, I will have to let them out. First thing in the morning, I phone A & B the couple that are moving here in a couple of days and poor my heart out about the events of yesterday. No hesitation from them, "let them out", "chickens get it very quickly but with food and water" they say...I let Madam Poulette and Attitude out of coup 2 and they are fine but just a little bewildered and happy to receive a huge breakfast. The hens were only isolated for less than a day but Madam Poulette has stopped brooding and Attitude hen has now joins in with the gang.

7 - How to Handle a Chicken

Image - Man and Toy

"Bonjour Monsieur Poulet, Bonjour Madam Poulette, how are we all today then" my Husband-sugar plum says, as we both approach Hen Pen. Apart from a bit of flapping of wings, he gets little other in response "How are we coming along with the eggs, how many eggs today girls?" he chatters on, as if he has known them all his life...

After a little coaxing Sugar Plum has succumbed to my wishes and is about to show me how to handle a chicken. First we go into Coup 2 and the black hen is as always in the far corner in solitary confinement of her own choice. Malcolm shoo's her out and as always she squawks like mad and makes a dash for it. One look at his size 13 shoes and she is not for an argument with this guy - and I don't blame her!! "Hmm, no eggs in here". We then go into Coup 1, its the smaller of the two coups and where the chickens sleep at night. Madam Poulette is once again sitting cosily in the nest. "Right then, this is how you handle a chicken" Madam Poulette has an eye on him and I wonder how she is going to react. He spreads his hands out and then covers her back and wings and then slowly lifts her out of the nest. He then tucks her under his arm and strokes her tendily. Sugar Plum, then encourages me to stroke her, which I do and and make the comment on how soft she is. "She's lovely" he says "a really nice bird, you won't have any problem with her"...

Madam Poulette had been sitting on four eggs. -I sigh "A result at last". On close examination of the eggs, I notice that all the eggs are different sizes and shapes. This time we do not eat them, as we cannot be sure on how long they have been there...

"Tractor time" Malcolm says. "No, No" I say. I am still concerned that I have not handled the chicken myself yet" I argue. "You will be fine" he says , "have a go tomorrow and see how you get on, its really very easy". "But Sugar Plum, you will not be here for the next 4 days" I say, feeling exasperated - he has to go back to work in England. He is walking toward his new toy as he is talking to me and I know that its all a bit hopeless persuing the cause any longer. "Think what your daughters will say, when they arrive if they know you are afraid to pick up a chicken"...He has a point, I have to get a grip on this silly situation and be strong, can't have my daughters laughing at me, now can I...

2. That's my Boy

Image - Madam Poulet

We are woken this morning at 6.30 to the sound of our crowing cockerel. "That's my Boy" Say's my husband in a sleepy voice. I get up and make us a nice cup of tea and there we sit in bed with the window wide open listening to Our Boy {Monsieur Poulet}. The sky is blue and there is a gently sun warming to our arrival on our first full day at LePalme d'Orcharde. "Is it normal for cockerels to crow for so long? it must be 20 mins he has been at it?" I ask. "Yes of course" says Malcolm who has much more experience in his earlier life than my very ignorant self. "His probably wanting some breakfast and of course there are eggs to be collected". Mmmm, I ponder this as the church bells start the 7am peel out. We listen to the Cock crowing and smile at each other while the bells ring out to call the farmers to the fields. Yes, this does feel like "The Good Life". I make the comment that I wish my children could have been brought up in such surrounding, Malcolm agrees...Anyway time to get up and kick in with life and the Hen Pen...

Whilst I go in search of eggs, Malcolm is preparing breakfast. I search everywhere, in the 2 coups and through the long grass in Hen Pen garden - but nothing. All five chickens give me a wide birth and all are acting a little fearful. "I can promise you, I will not hurt you" and I chatter on regardless trying to gain their confidence. "Breakfast is near ready - where's the eggs? I thought we would have scrambled eggs today" Malcolm shouts to me from afar!! "No eggs today Chef, they haven't delivered yet"...

The rest of the day is put to getting the house in order and reading up on Poultry.....

1. Inherited Chickens

Image - Monsieur Poulet

Today we moved into our newly purchased property that came with five chickens in Normandy. Having done the deed with the Notaire (Solicitor). We then ventured back to the farm mid afternoon with the Estate Agent and previous owner {N} and his wife {C} for a small celebration. A few friends and neighbours also joined us for a drink or two. What a great evening it turned out to be, with music, champagne and lots of laughter...

Having little to no knowledge of Chickens, I knew I had initially just one question for {N} in my limited French. "What about the Chickens"? Having not a clue on how to handle, keep, feed these newly acquired feathered friends. I was very keen for a little know how!! "How often do I feed them"? I asked in a subtle un-alcoholic manner, fearing they would think me a complete dip stick..Too late they thought it! "Four times a day" came the reply from {C}, smiling. My immediate response was "WHAT"!!! My second thought was - no more wine for her. "Once a day is enough" speaks up the ever smiling {N} and then invites me to go along with him to the coups. There he shows me the contents of a bin near full of Chicken feed. Phew!! that's a result at least I can feed them tomorrow. I had a million and one questions I needed to ask him at this point but he could not understand me and equally I could not understand him. I make a mental note that I need to speed up with my French lessons as I can see they have a lot to say...

At the end of my first day with my newly acquainted 5 Chickens, 1 Cockerel, 4 Hens, I now have a handle of one food source that they have on a regular basis. I also make another mental note to unpack the new Poultry book bought prior to leaving England and read up at speed.