27 - Plucking Madam Attitude

I have recently been made aware that the older family, the original 5 Chickens: Monsieur and Madam Poulet, Heather, Feather and Attitude are 10 years old, which in itself is quite an age for chickens. This interesting fact in itself maybe one of the reasons why they are all a little bit tetchy from time to time, with a high level of intolerance for the four youngsters. Madam Attitude is now looking half naked as she or the other chickens are pulling out her feathers. Not an attractive site and in places looks quite bald. She seems in good health but as always very distant and very much a loner. As always she keeps herself to herself and forever checking to see what's going on over her shoulder...

Madams Heather & Feather continue to groom Monsieur Poulet and carry that smug appeal of being superior in the Hen Pen hierarchy of hen power. Also they are not wanting to integrate with the youngsters but continue to peck them regardless for no apparent reason. Pitiful to see really because the youngsters are now larger than inherited five. In Chicken language I am told this is called the Pecking Order...

Monsieur and Madam Poulette are as always a handsome couple, she has a quite reserve for the cockerel. which is returned with mutual respect (with no hanky panky going on). Unlike Heather and Feather, Madam Poulette is extremely tolerant of the youngster's and enjoys their company and shares any food without pecking them. Generally a lovely old bird who will be a great grand hen one day, probably to one of the youngster's off spring...

It goes without saying that it is not in our prime interest to indulge in the taste of the older family. They are still great as layers and produce more eggs than we can eat, otherwise these birds will be too tough to eat I am sure....

The youngsters are growing very big, my favourite hen, newly named: Princess Poulette is such a sweetheart and follows me around regardless. It has been known many time for her to rub herself against my leg, much like a cat would, when I go in feed them. She easily weighs 4lb and the other three youngsters are not far outside of this weight. These three we have raised so that we can eat them-----but in all honesty, I am still not up for that just yet. As for Princess Poulet I hope to breed from her with the current cockerel (Monsieur Poulet) - that is if he is interested...

Note: If anyone knows the average age of chickens before they expire the natural world, I would love to know, please leave MSG on comments below.
Note 2: Any information about feather plucking in chickens would be appreciated, please leave MSG on comments below.

26 - Chicken Poo

My chief task for today is to have a bit of a clean up in Hen Pen Coup, having 9 chickens can get quite messy much of the time, so regular clean outs makes the task that much easier. Also we are still in the midst of a heat wave, so the earlier I tackle this task the better. Truly not my favourite job but with face mask, wellies and dungarees I am ready to take the job on. "Yuk, yuk, yuk, Oh no, how disgustingly horrid". Yes I had forgotten to put my chicken gloves on and the worst has happened to me. To steady myself whilst bringing the cleaning gear into the coup, I grab hold of the nearest perch, only to squeeze through a huge freshly laid lump of Chick Poo. Yuk, I'm clearly feeling squeamish as the poo has digested itself under all my finger nails. No rags to hand, I lend myself to the grass in Hen Pen garden only to wipe more of the same on the hand. I am very near to throwing up and have voweled my days are numbered as a Country Girl, this life is not for me. Battling to get the upper hand here, I can here Max in the background shouting at Louisa. I can't image why Max should be shouting at her and struggle to get up and out of Hen Pen Garden to see if I can help. Too late, Sugar Lump is on the scene saying "What's going on". "She's not pulling her weight" Max complains. "It was Louisa's responsibility to prune the pear trees, but she is only doing half a job". "Sounds about right to me" says Sugar Lump. Louisa then turns on Sugar Lump frowning and says "Rubbish, That's not fair, I've been working my socks off" and adds, "and what have you been doing Sugar Lump"? "Oh I'm on Tractor duty today - planning the exit of another dead tree". Louisa, starts to argue further with Sugar Lump and then Max steps in and shouts over to me. "Carol Irene, do come and sort your daughter out, she's only doing half a job here". Max has clearly taken the responsibility on as Project Manager and probably pushing it a little too far with Louisa. "If he calls me that name just once more, I know a wobbly will have to be the final straw". I mutter to myself as I walk from Hen Pen with chicken poo on my hand to see if I can sort the problem....

Louisa is clearly upset at being shouted at by Max and Sugar Lump and has since down tools and is in a strop. If it had been the chickens that had been in a two and eight then I would know exactly what to do - yes dish up a bowl of corn. Can't do that with this lot, so I offer a cup of tea, so we can encourage to talk the problem through, this does not go down too well at all....

In my book I did not expect any work to be done on the house or in the garden, especially as they are all here on holiday. Just very pleased they are all here and appreciate that they have all been so willing to get stuck in. Every little helps. I can see that all seem a little stressed and uncomfortable, so I suggest that being as the sun is shining and still quite early in the day. "Lets pack up a picnic and head for the coast, which is only 35 minutes away". They all cheer in agreement - lets do it. Max comes rushing over to me and shakes my hand, "great idea Carol Irene, lets go", he smiles. Max not knowing of course, what covers my hand and I am not in a rush to tell him - at long last I have got my own back on him...A result....

23 - Where's Madam Attitude

The next morning Louisa, Emily and myself go to Hen Pen garden to feed the chickens their daily 2 bowls of Petit Dejeuner. The chickens scramble to get to the best and tastiest morsels with the usual scrapping between the old and young chickens. It doesn't take me long before I realise that Madam Attitude is missing, we search everywhere under the clumps of grass, in the coups. Nowhere to be seen; I am getting fearful at this stage. Usually it is Madam Attitude that is first on the scene whenever food is about. They all know my voice now and respond quickly but not this time after calling for her several times. We look for holes or gaps in the fencing - the fencing is secure, we continue searching under the clumps of grass for hideaways but nothing. I am perplexed, her whereabouts is a mystery and start to think possibly a fox had taken her even though there is no obvious sign of a struggle or black feathers laying about...

Suddenly, Curry Man appears on the scene and says, "What's going on" a regular saying he used to give for the television soap Eastenders. I put two and two together and came up with DEATH. "Its you, isn't it, you killed Madam Attitude" I shout at him with pointed finger. "No", "now would I" Curry Man says calmly. "Come on" I continue, "time to put your hands up on this one, have you killed Attitude"? I am getting really angry and finding it difficult to stay calm. "No Darling" he says and turns and walks away, adding "I have a curry to sort out for tonight". Rilled by this last comment, I run after Curry Man and slap him on the shoulder with my saucer size hand. He's laughing at me and all I could say was "How could you, how could you, how could you"....

At some point Max slipped into Hen Pen garden un-noticed, he too is searching for Madam Attitude. I can see him kneeling down on the grass to the far corner of Hen Pen garden and suddenly he shouts "Over here Carol Irene" I really wish he would not call me that name, I mutter to myself and make a note that I really must tackle him on that later. "She is over here sitting on a large amount of eggs" he shouts out eagerly. "Excellent Max" and we all trundle over to see where she had been hiding. Madam Attitude had dug out a large hollow under a large clump of grass, it would be easy to miss her unless the grass was lifted or separated, the grass covered her completely. In fact she looked quite cosy. "See I told you so, I didn't kill her" says the indignant Curry Man. "OK, OK, I apologise for jumping to the wrong conclusion" I say feeling exasperated. Max gently coaxes Madam Attitude off the nest and we are astounded at how many eggs there are. Max, starts to count them, which is easy for him as he is an Accountant (just qualified). "Looks like 9 eggs, no 13, no 17, no no sorry there are 20 eggs altogether, that's simply amazing". We are all amazed at such a large quantity of eggs in one nest. "The eggs are all different shapes and sizes" Max continues and puts two and two together and reconciling the differences, states that "All the hens have been dumping their eggs in the one basket - boom boom".... Oh dear...Oh dear Max

No knowing how long the eggs had been sitting in the nest, we destroyed them all. Have you had a similar experience? if so just click on comment below, we would lover to hear about it.

22 - Hooray - They have arrived

The day has come at long last, Louisa, Emily and Max have arrived for a weeks holiday. We greet each with screams of joy and excitement, hugs and kisses. Its been 3 months since we moved to France but it feels like 3 years, missing my family is definately the worst thing I have had to bear since the move. But anyway, they are all here now and we must make the most of this precious time together...

"A cup of tea all round" I say expectantly. "No, please lets see the chickens first" says Emily who's a great lover of all animals. "No, I would like to see round the house first" says Louisa. Louisa being a little prone to allergic reactions where animals is concerned is a little cautious. "Where's the Tractor" says Max... At that point Himself walks through the door saying. "Who mentioned Tractor". We are all laughing and talking at the same time, with more hugs and kisses. We do the rounds of the house and garden and they are all suitable impressed, love it all and think we got very good value for money. "Certainly could never get anything like this in he UK for the money" say Maximus. They all utter there agreements on that one. "Now, what about the tractor I have heard so much about. I'm for the first go" Max insists to Tractor Man...

The two boys go off and play tractor games and talk engine oil, combustion techniques and so on. I can see Monsieur Poulet straining his neck with a hand to his ear, desparately wanting to be one of the boys and join in. He is obviously disappointed that he cannot be part of the team by the way he is pacing up and down. He settles for second best and shouts to his mate near by, who returns his call and so it goes on back and forth...

My daughters meet up with the chickens in Hen Pen garden and they all get to know each other. The older chickens being more cautious towards visitors than the youngsters who easily want to be patted and generally enjoy the attention given. The little ones are really still quite coy, afraid even and prefer to be by themselves, sticking together. Madam Poulet is once again, full on to brooding but for now I take away any eggs that she may have laid, without picking her up. Today, no eggs have been laid, which is a bit surprising but she is happy just to sit on her nest. My daughters are more natural with the chickens than me, I observe, the hens going to Louisa and Emily easily to be stroked and patted. I monitor their techniques and say to myself, I must surely be able to do that. My mental note pad to hand, the technique has been stored...

I explain how the older hens are egg layers and that the younger ones fatteners. "What do you mean fatteners" ask Emily, readily looking concerned. "You are not going to eat them, are you"? "Yes but No" I stammer unknowingly. "Himself, wouldn't kill them to eat - would he"? There's a desparation in Emily's voice about our intentions and I am not sure of my answer. Louisa joins in "What do you mean Yes but No"? I explain about the good life senario and how obvious it is, that rearing your own animals to eat, is by far the best method of knowing exactly what you are eating. The benefits are paramount in taste and quality in comparison to battery raised hens for supermarket chains. In addition, we are giving these chickens a very good life style in return by the way they are kept, fed and looked after. "So you are going to kill and eat them" says Louisa. "It is difficult for me" I say truthfully "At this stage, I truly do not know. I would like to think I could but there is still very much a townie about me". At this point Himself - raises his voice from the mens Tractor meeting point and shouts "They are going to make excellent curries, just leave it all to me"....

20 - A deafening shrill from Hen Pen garden

Image - Tractor Man with Chain Saw

The shrill is excruciatingly deafening and its coming from Hen Pen garden. Even louder than Tractor Man, who has his Chain Saw going at full pelt, he is making in-roads into cutting up a dead pear tree into logs for the Winter. I can see from a distance that there is a lot of flapping of wings and the noise is coming from more than one chicken. I am assisting the Tractor Man in steadying a branch whilst he cuts through; he cock’s an eye toward the hens and say’s “sounds like a lot of fun going on over there”. “Sounds more like death to me, I must go over to see what the problem is” I say. “No give me two ticks and I should be finished here” he insists. I know only too well how long two ticks is, with this Tractor Man., could be all day or longer. “No, please just stop, I literally will only be two ticks, something dreadful is going on over there"…

I let go of the branch and run like mad to Hen Pen garden. I can hear Tractor Man shouting at me but I ignore him. “What the heck is going on here” I ask in anguish. “God only knows” replies Monsieur Poulet; puts his hands on his hips and says “Women”. I am relieved that there is no obvious damage done to the girls, no one appears to be physically hurt or injured. “What do you mean women, have you been upsetting the ladies again”? I say. “Not at all" he says, "just take a look at her". Monsieur Poulet is looking towards a very anguished Madame Attitude. Its quite apparent that Madame Attitude has attitude today, she's squawking and screaming at the top of her voice. Heather and Feather are joining in with a lower shrill and straight guy Monsieur is brushing down his coat and turning his guilty head away from me. “Monsieur Poulet”, I say sternly “have you been romancing with these Madame’s”? The four youngsters have disappeared into the coup, in fear no doubt and keeping their distance. “No worries Chicken Maid!!. "Just leave it to me, I can sort my women out” says lippy cocky Monsieur. “I doubt it”, I say and trundle off and placate the situation with a fresh bowl of corn for all. “You best get back to that noise over there” he says getting the final word…

I look over to where I left the Tractor Man and “Oh my God”, he has fallen on his side with his right leg out stretched; his trouser bottom hooked on a branch that has levered his leg up so high that he cannot move. The Chain Saw is still going but at a distance. I can see that he is not hurt but I ask the question “Are you hurt dearest one? whatever happened?” “Don’t asked”, he says abruptly, “just get me out of this tree”. I desperately try not to snigger as I have never seen his leg up so high and curse that I have not got my camera to hand. Like, they do in a circus, I jump and grab hold of the branch that has grasped hold of Tractor Mans leg and pull the branch down to enable the trouser bottom to be released…

Apart from a scratch to his arm, no real harm has been done, also he is in fine voice as he gives me a lot of ear bashing about abandoning his cause. I gently remind him, when taking on dangerous tasks, that he really should read up on the Health and Safety procedures to ensure that accident like this do not happen. His dinner plate size hands lift to indicate my throat. I say, "put them away Dear One and lets have a nice cup of tea". "TEA" he says in an insulting manner. "I deserve something stronger than that.... "Men" I say to Monsieur Poulet...

15 - The Young Ones

Image - The four younsters

Its a long drive home and I wish I had left my face mask on, the smell from the four youngsters is putrid. The windows are open and I successfully rummage for tissues to hold to my mouth to ease up on the gagging. With difficulty I attempt to talk to the anxious girls that are making quite a racket in the back of the car "not long now girls, soon be home and tucked up in your new home Hen Pen". I jam on the brakes, its an emergency the gagging has got the better of me and I wonder have I got Bird Flu or some other nasty disease. 10 minutes later after a drink of water and a few deep breaths of fresh air, I am on my way again and at speed with the fan full blast on in my face. Reconciling my doubtful purchase with the fact that I shall be giving the hens a good life with much more freedom and excellent Poulet cuisine, makes me feel better about the situation...and wondering what Sugar Plum will think of today's purchase.

With wheelbarrow to hand I ease the box out of the back of the car, "no more tilting up for my girls" I mutter, I want happy hens. I wheel the load into Hen Pen, put the box on the ground and untie the string. The youngsters stay put huddled up together not wanting to move. "Uppy Duppy you are safe here, come on girls" I say encouragingly...

The five original chickens are looking on. Monsieur Poulet has his hands on his hips giving me that all important look again. "No good looking at me like that Monsieur, it doesn't impress me none, these chicks are here to stay". Madam Poulette, gives me that sideways glance and fluffs up her skirt and sidles up to Monsieur. Heather, Feather and Attitude are cautiously looking on at a distance and checking out their manicure and smoothing down their feathers. "I truly expect you five to set an example here and get on nicely with these youngsters" I say, hoping.

The youngsters slowly get out of the box, they are very frightened and instantly huddle together and stay like that for several hours. I introduce them to baby mash and fresh water, which they tuck into immediately and later in the evening I settle them in the coup for a well deserved good night sleep...Now for a chat Sugar Plum...

13 - The experts are here

Image - The Poultry People Amanda & Bernie

The Poultry People A & B are now in Normandy and visited us today. In the five days since there arrival here in Normandy they have purchased 3 Toulouse Geese, ordered in advance of the move, as well as ducks and chickens from the local market. We invite them in and you guessed it here comes the millions and one questions stored in my head. We have a fabulous lunch just getting to know each other and immediately we know we will all get along well, so many things in common and interests. With many questions answered we then, show them around and of course they want to see Hen Pen Garden and the Chickens. Fully expecting A & B to say pull the coups down once they set eye's on them; they surprised me further and said the coups are fine, they just need a bit of a clean. At this point I cringe and shrink back into my own private clean world (I want my townie life back). "but the cobwebs, have you seen the length of them"? I say in alarm! "and the shitty saw dust is 2 inches thick". I was back in the Indiana Jones film, imagining all sorts crawling out of the wood work and not surviving. Yet, another nightmare to get over. I succumb, that this is just another test in life to endure and tell myself to "get a grip and get over it", that it is just another cleaning job that needs attention "BUT YUK" never had a phobia before about such things - "why now" I question myself. At this point Amanda says, "would you like us to do it"? I am gob smacked at this point that anyone should want to help with this task. Without a moments hesitation I say "Oh Yes Please" and before I know it, it is all arranged that they come round the next morning. "There is a God" I say out loud and we all laugh, pinching myself at such kindness...

The next morning all went to plan A & B arrived armed with appropriate gear and got on with the job of clearing out the coups, whilst I wheelbarrow the majority of the poo to the - to be veggie patch. 30 wheelbarrow loads all told; and as they say excellent manure. Horrible job that had to be done and the help was very much appreciated. After giving the walls and ground a thorough spray of a disinfection solution, I then covered the floor with 1" thickness of fresh saw dust. My Chickens, do now live in 5 star accommodation. Bernie had suggested that being as I only had 5 chickens, it was not really necessary to have two coups going at the same time and why not use Coup 2 for storage. "What an excellent idea" so coup 2 in not now accessible for the chickens. He also said, that coup 1 is large enough to accommodate upto 12 Chickens..."Fabulous" I say. Thank you so much Amanda and Bernie...

12 - Flirting with Monsieur Poulet

Image - Monsieur Poulet

"Oh Please girls", "how could you". Heather and Feather are flirting with Monsieur Poulet. "Have you no pride", "he really is not worth so much attention and you know what the outcome will be - more tears". Monsieur is being necked by both the girls at once. He is standing very tall, stretching his neck and fluffing out his feathery ruffle round his neck. There is no doubt that he is a handsome cockerel and obviously admired by the hens. The girls are cleaning him up, pecking lightly all round his neck and chest. He has his eye's shut and thoroughly enjoying the attention. "Don't come crying to me with a sore back later" I say to Heather and Feather but as always I am totally ignored. I have seen just how rough this guy can be and it wouldn't be the first time I have seen the damage he can do with those dreadful spurs at the back of his legs, drawing blood every time. I tell my concerns to Sweetness my Tractor Man, to which he responds "that's my boy, good for him" "not much good to us if he doesn't do the business" "Yeh but Sweetness - two hens at once"."Its in his jeans" adds, a smiling Sweetness..." On dear, Oh dear" I mutter...

Later that day there is a dreadful racket going on in Hen Pen. I shoot out there like grease lightning to find out what's it all about. Yes, its Monsieur Poulet doing the business, not with Heather or Feather as would have been expected but with Attitude Hen. The noise is unbelievable, with Heather and Feather doing a double take round Hen Pen, yelling at the top of their heads - no doubt cries of rejection. Monsieur and Attitude are making Whoopee. "See", I say to Heather and Feather "I told you so"... I feel a little sad for Heather and Feather the two blond madams, had put so much effort into grooming Monsieur...