21 - Tug-of-War

Its breakfast time and I take to my 9 little lovelies 2 bowls of petite dejeuner. I'm in a bit of a hurry as I was up late and behind with my plans for an early trip to the market. Having placed the bowls on the ground I then check the coup for eggs. "Ah ha, a result" I say and "well done girls", we have 3 eggs. My plans are on today, in attempting to impress Sugar Lump by making him a special Creme Brulee supper pudding - I am happy. Having come out of the coup, I notice Madam Heather downing a very long length of ham rind "Oh no", I shout out. Realising immediately that I had dished their food up and forgotten to cut the ham rind into small pieces...

I can see that Madam Heather is struggling to down the rind in one lump, so I go over to aid her digestive passage. I manage to grab hold of the end and give it a gentle pull, coaxing the rind back up her throat. To my astonishment Madam Heather, then gives a more superior tug and swallows a bit more. "This cannot be right" I say to Heather. "Let it go and I will chop it up into small pieces - that way we can avoid you choking to death". A gurgling comes from the back of her throat and I am worried that this is her demise. My dear sweet Madam Heather, who is instantly forgiven for pecking at the youngsters, is going to die all because I overlooked the obvious. "What will Sugar Lump think of me". I cannot give up, I am still holding the rind as we work a Tug-of-war. The length of rind appears to be twice as long now, stretchy much like an elastic band. I am getting impatient and want the result of keeping my bird alive and about to give up when a piercing, screeching Monsieur Poulet is shouting in my ear. "Get of my land and leave my women along, Chicken Maid" he cock-a-doodle-doo's arrogantly. The noise has stunned both of us and we both spring back in surprise as I let go of the rind and find myself in a sitting position. The tug-of-war is over as the rind pings back to Madam Heather and to my astonishment winds itself round her beak. Monsieur Poulet continues shouting his mouth off and then notices Madam Heather unable to speak. He goes over to her and unwinds the rind, whispering sweet nothings to her at the same time. With one almighty pull, succeeds in retrieving the rind in one piece and to my astonishment gobbles the rind up at speed. Near speechless I say "I hope you choke on it, that was a real mean thing to do" and attempt to get up and out of Hen Pen garden. As I stand, the 3 eggs collected had smashed in my dungarees pocket and now dripping disgustingly down my leg into my wellington boots, I was in hell once again... Creme Brulee is put on hold and so is my trip to market...

17 - Poulet Cuisine (Petit Dejeuner)

Image - two of the Youngsters

"Its terrific, the chickens eat all food scraps left over from our meals and it seems, not at all fussy about anything" I say enthusiastically to Emily and Louisa my daughters who will be visiting very soon now. Max Emily's fiance is also coming and we are all very much looking forward to the visit, even Sugar Plum is excited. I am delighted that I don't have to throw away left over food stuffs anymore, always did make me feel guilty - but not anymore. "What food do you give them", Emily asks, sounding interested. I am having this conversation via Skype with both daughters on the computer. Its free and we can chat for as long as we like, its helps me as I miss them terribly. "All sort" I respond, listing the contents. "Chopped cooked vegetable for one, they are also quite partial to potatoes, rice, pasta, chinese food and don't say no to a little lasagna". Also, they adore cheese and can get quite aggresive trying to get to the last morsel. Most of all though, there most favourite food of all time is roast chicken skin and even quite partial to the parsons nose." At this my daughters are in uproar, shouting and screaming at me at the top of there voices, that I should not be giving chickens, chicken to eat. "Why ever not" I respond. "Well its obvious why not" says Louisa. "Is it really, well then why not, I don't give it to them everyday and they simply adore the flavour". Louisa and Emily are beside themselves in anguish. "Its inhuman" says Emily, "They are not human" I respond "Canabalism even" adds Emily. I am desparately trying not to laugh and just steady my sensible hat. I have been giving the chickens scraps like this for a while now and to be honest there have been no adverse side effects. Pretty much happy, shiny coats, wet nose and not so skinny anymore - yes they are healthy, no problem there. "They love Sage and Onion stuffing with it of course". I add. "You are treating the chickens like children" they say to me. "Don't be so daft, I just give them scraps that are left over from every day meals". It keeps me happy, as I am not throwing away food and the chickens just love the interesting variety of Petit Dejeuner given to them each morning", its a win win really" Its exhausting arguing this one so I put one final question to them. "If you can prove that chickens eating chicken is a bad thing, then I would be interetsted to know more".... If you have a response to this subject, please post your comments below - thank you....