20 - A deafening shrill from Hen Pen garden

Image - Tractor Man with Chain Saw

The shrill is excruciatingly deafening and its coming from Hen Pen garden. Even louder than Tractor Man, who has his Chain Saw going at full pelt, he is making in-roads into cutting up a dead pear tree into logs for the Winter. I can see from a distance that there is a lot of flapping of wings and the noise is coming from more than one chicken. I am assisting the Tractor Man in steadying a branch whilst he cuts through; he cock’s an eye toward the hens and say’s “sounds like a lot of fun going on over there”. “Sounds more like death to me, I must go over to see what the problem is” I say. “No give me two ticks and I should be finished here” he insists. I know only too well how long two ticks is, with this Tractor Man., could be all day or longer. “No, please just stop, I literally will only be two ticks, something dreadful is going on over there"…

I let go of the branch and run like mad to Hen Pen garden. I can hear Tractor Man shouting at me but I ignore him. “What the heck is going on here” I ask in anguish. “God only knows” replies Monsieur Poulet; puts his hands on his hips and says “Women”. I am relieved that there is no obvious damage done to the girls, no one appears to be physically hurt or injured. “What do you mean women, have you been upsetting the ladies again”? I say. “Not at all" he says, "just take a look at her". Monsieur Poulet is looking towards a very anguished Madame Attitude. Its quite apparent that Madame Attitude has attitude today, she's squawking and screaming at the top of her voice. Heather and Feather are joining in with a lower shrill and straight guy Monsieur is brushing down his coat and turning his guilty head away from me. “Monsieur Poulet”, I say sternly “have you been romancing with these Madame’s”? The four youngsters have disappeared into the coup, in fear no doubt and keeping their distance. “No worries Chicken Maid!!. "Just leave it to me, I can sort my women out” says lippy cocky Monsieur. “I doubt it”, I say and trundle off and placate the situation with a fresh bowl of corn for all. “You best get back to that noise over there” he says getting the final word…

I look over to where I left the Tractor Man and “Oh my God”, he has fallen on his side with his right leg out stretched; his trouser bottom hooked on a branch that has levered his leg up so high that he cannot move. The Chain Saw is still going but at a distance. I can see that he is not hurt but I ask the question “Are you hurt dearest one? whatever happened?” “Don’t asked”, he says abruptly, “just get me out of this tree”. I desperately try not to snigger as I have never seen his leg up so high and curse that I have not got my camera to hand. Like, they do in a circus, I jump and grab hold of the branch that has grasped hold of Tractor Mans leg and pull the branch down to enable the trouser bottom to be released…

Apart from a scratch to his arm, no real harm has been done, also he is in fine voice as he gives me a lot of ear bashing about abandoning his cause. I gently remind him, when taking on dangerous tasks, that he really should read up on the Health and Safety procedures to ensure that accident like this do not happen. His dinner plate size hands lift to indicate my throat. I say, "put them away Dear One and lets have a nice cup of tea". "TEA" he says in an insulting manner. "I deserve something stronger than that.... "Men" I say to Monsieur Poulet...

18 - Pecking Order

Image - The Oldens sticking together

In the few weeks living our new life in France with our new found feathered friends, its good to see that the original birds have all put on a little bit of weight. I am either feeding them too much or they were not fed very well by their previous owners. The latter makes more sense being as they were only fed on corn then. I have know idea how to tell the age of our chicken's but all five have crusty old looking legs. Looking down and comparing my own, I would definitely say that they are getting on a bit but gracefully of course. The five youngsters have enormous appetites and don't mess about when food has been dished up. That is of course, if the elderly chickens allow them to get anywhere near the food. Heather and Feather in particular are quite a nasty couple towards the youngsters, forever pecking and pushing away the little ones. Of course, I do the obvious thing, put my hand on my hips and shout a thing or two - but who's going to listen to this old bird. Darling Heart says to leave them alone and they will sort themselves out eventually. I'm not convinced but then I am a novice after all. It looks at this stage, as if it is very much the old and new school, both families keeping their distance. When the youngsters get close to the oldens then the bullying starts, with a lot of pecking and pulling out of feathers. I have seen frequently Heather & Feather going for the youngsters eyes, this I am not happy with. "They are the first for the casserole dish" Say's Darling Heart. I tend to agree with him now, rather than see real damage done to the youngsters "but then on the other hand", I add, "who wants to eat tough old birds". "You won't notice any difference if I put them in a curry" he says convincingly...

Today I have started giving out the breakfast in two bowls instead of just the one. This is to ensure that the youngsters are guaranteed some nourishment in the mornings. I was surprised that the older birds still tried to chase the youngsters away from the second bowl by continuing with the aggressive pecking. To stop this continuing I stood fast between the two bowls, encouraging the young ones to have a peaceful undisturbed breakfast. When the older ones came near, it was easier for me to shoo them away. Giving them a final warning on the Curry Pot...

"So is it chicken curry tonight" says Darling Heart. "No please, lets leave it for now, lets give them a little longer, they will probably settle down" "and besides we need the eggs". I look pleadingly. "I don't think so, there's nine in the pantry today but I will give YOU more time to settle down" says Darling Heart as he goes out to check the tractor engine...

4. Miss Attitude

Image - Madam Attitude

"So you are in here again" I say to the little black hen. She appears to be a bit of a loner, preferring to sit quietly in the furthest corner of coup 2 on her own. Can't see too much of what's going on in here as its quite dark, I scan the ground for eggs. "No eggs again today ". I go up to her and talk gently, once again trying to gain trust. She is not for moving, so I coax her gently with my foot, in the hope that she will not bite my leg off - she squawks like mad at me and runs out of the coup. She continues to squawk as she runs several times round Hen Pen garden. "What a load of fuss about nothing" I muse and decide she definitely has attitude. I look down to where she had been squatting, definately no eggs...

I contact a couple we know quite well Amanda and Bernie who will be moving here permanently in a few days to ask them just one question. I want to asked a million questions but I know they are packing and time is valuable to them just now. They have full hands on knowledge on Poultry generally, as they have kept all sorts over the years. Amanda answers the phone. "The hens are not laying eggs", "do you think there is a problem"? Amanda goes into depth many possible reasons why they may not be laying. Her first question is "What are you feeding them"? "Corn" I reply. "They need vitamins, shells, grits", "give them any left over food you may have, they are scavengers and will eat anything". I want to kick myself for not realising the obvious...."Thanks Amanda you are a gem"...

I rush full speed to the fridge and prepare a tasty overdue cuisine for my lovely half starved feathered friends. "Getting there" I say to myself with a new found confidence

3. Getting to grips with reality

Image - Heather & Feather

I had already established that the four hens are egg layers and not for eating but so far nothing. I read up in my poultry book the whys and wherefore's but I do not see any obvious answers. They all look healthy enough to me, eating the daily corn and drinking plenty of water. However, there are a couple of things that I am not sure about though; one is that the two coups do not look very clean. Secondly should the grass really be waist high? I jot these notes down in my mental note pad for further research...

I have always wanted to be a Country Girl, my true self would lean in that direction, being a good Brownie and Girl Guide but the reality and truth of the situation now is that I am a 95% townie. More and more I am realising I know next to nothing, in at the deep end and too afraid even to touch the birds. No!! I don't think they are going to bite my arm off, just a tad afraid of being pecked to death!! I observe that Madam Poulet is sitting in the same and only nest box again, "this can't be right", I mutter softly. I talk softly to her, coaxing her to trust me "Uppy Duppy madam, time for walkies" and gently stroke her back. She squawks loudly and Yes, you guessed it - near bites my arm off. I jump back in total alarm, stumbling over the corn feeder, dust flies up from the ground. I was in hell and could not escape quickly enough. Malcolm takes one look at me as I near fall through my entrance into the kitchen "What's up darling, you look a bit frazzled", "Oh nothing much Dear Heart, just trying to be a 100% Country girl"...