27 - Plucking Madam Attitude

I have recently been made aware that the older family, the original 5 Chickens: Monsieur and Madam Poulet, Heather, Feather and Attitude are 10 years old, which in itself is quite an age for chickens. This interesting fact in itself maybe one of the reasons why they are all a little bit tetchy from time to time, with a high level of intolerance for the four youngsters. Madam Attitude is now looking half naked as she or the other chickens are pulling out her feathers. Not an attractive site and in places looks quite bald. She seems in good health but as always very distant and very much a loner. As always she keeps herself to herself and forever checking to see what's going on over her shoulder...

Madams Heather & Feather continue to groom Monsieur Poulet and carry that smug appeal of being superior in the Hen Pen hierarchy of hen power. Also they are not wanting to integrate with the youngsters but continue to peck them regardless for no apparent reason. Pitiful to see really because the youngsters are now larger than inherited five. In Chicken language I am told this is called the Pecking Order...

Monsieur and Madam Poulette are as always a handsome couple, she has a quite reserve for the cockerel. which is returned with mutual respect (with no hanky panky going on). Unlike Heather and Feather, Madam Poulette is extremely tolerant of the youngster's and enjoys their company and shares any food without pecking them. Generally a lovely old bird who will be a great grand hen one day, probably to one of the youngster's off spring...

It goes without saying that it is not in our prime interest to indulge in the taste of the older family. They are still great as layers and produce more eggs than we can eat, otherwise these birds will be too tough to eat I am sure....

The youngsters are growing very big, my favourite hen, newly named: Princess Poulette is such a sweetheart and follows me around regardless. It has been known many time for her to rub herself against my leg, much like a cat would, when I go in feed them. She easily weighs 4lb and the other three youngsters are not far outside of this weight. These three we have raised so that we can eat them-----but in all honesty, I am still not up for that just yet. As for Princess Poulet I hope to breed from her with the current cockerel (Monsieur Poulet) - that is if he is interested...

Note: If anyone knows the average age of chickens before they expire the natural world, I would love to know, please leave MSG on comments below.
Note 2: Any information about feather plucking in chickens would be appreciated, please leave MSG on comments below.

22 - Hooray - They have arrived

The day has come at long last, Louisa, Emily and Max have arrived for a weeks holiday. We greet each with screams of joy and excitement, hugs and kisses. Its been 3 months since we moved to France but it feels like 3 years, missing my family is definately the worst thing I have had to bear since the move. But anyway, they are all here now and we must make the most of this precious time together...

"A cup of tea all round" I say expectantly. "No, please lets see the chickens first" says Emily who's a great lover of all animals. "No, I would like to see round the house first" says Louisa. Louisa being a little prone to allergic reactions where animals is concerned is a little cautious. "Where's the Tractor" says Max... At that point Himself walks through the door saying. "Who mentioned Tractor". We are all laughing and talking at the same time, with more hugs and kisses. We do the rounds of the house and garden and they are all suitable impressed, love it all and think we got very good value for money. "Certainly could never get anything like this in he UK for the money" say Maximus. They all utter there agreements on that one. "Now, what about the tractor I have heard so much about. I'm for the first go" Max insists to Tractor Man...

The two boys go off and play tractor games and talk engine oil, combustion techniques and so on. I can see Monsieur Poulet straining his neck with a hand to his ear, desparately wanting to be one of the boys and join in. He is obviously disappointed that he cannot be part of the team by the way he is pacing up and down. He settles for second best and shouts to his mate near by, who returns his call and so it goes on back and forth...

My daughters meet up with the chickens in Hen Pen garden and they all get to know each other. The older chickens being more cautious towards visitors than the youngsters who easily want to be patted and generally enjoy the attention given. The little ones are really still quite coy, afraid even and prefer to be by themselves, sticking together. Madam Poulet is once again, full on to brooding but for now I take away any eggs that she may have laid, without picking her up. Today, no eggs have been laid, which is a bit surprising but she is happy just to sit on her nest. My daughters are more natural with the chickens than me, I observe, the hens going to Louisa and Emily easily to be stroked and patted. I monitor their techniques and say to myself, I must surely be able to do that. My mental note pad to hand, the technique has been stored...

I explain how the older hens are egg layers and that the younger ones fatteners. "What do you mean fatteners" ask Emily, readily looking concerned. "You are not going to eat them, are you"? "Yes but No" I stammer unknowingly. "Himself, wouldn't kill them to eat - would he"? There's a desparation in Emily's voice about our intentions and I am not sure of my answer. Louisa joins in "What do you mean Yes but No"? I explain about the good life senario and how obvious it is, that rearing your own animals to eat, is by far the best method of knowing exactly what you are eating. The benefits are paramount in taste and quality in comparison to battery raised hens for supermarket chains. In addition, we are giving these chickens a very good life style in return by the way they are kept, fed and looked after. "So you are going to kill and eat them" says Louisa. "It is difficult for me" I say truthfully "At this stage, I truly do not know. I would like to think I could but there is still very much a townie about me". At this point Himself - raises his voice from the mens Tractor meeting point and shouts "They are going to make excellent curries, just leave it all to me"....

15 - The Young Ones

Image - The four younsters

Its a long drive home and I wish I had left my face mask on, the smell from the four youngsters is putrid. The windows are open and I successfully rummage for tissues to hold to my mouth to ease up on the gagging. With difficulty I attempt to talk to the anxious girls that are making quite a racket in the back of the car "not long now girls, soon be home and tucked up in your new home Hen Pen". I jam on the brakes, its an emergency the gagging has got the better of me and I wonder have I got Bird Flu or some other nasty disease. 10 minutes later after a drink of water and a few deep breaths of fresh air, I am on my way again and at speed with the fan full blast on in my face. Reconciling my doubtful purchase with the fact that I shall be giving the hens a good life with much more freedom and excellent Poulet cuisine, makes me feel better about the situation...and wondering what Sugar Plum will think of today's purchase.

With wheelbarrow to hand I ease the box out of the back of the car, "no more tilting up for my girls" I mutter, I want happy hens. I wheel the load into Hen Pen, put the box on the ground and untie the string. The youngsters stay put huddled up together not wanting to move. "Uppy Duppy you are safe here, come on girls" I say encouragingly...

The five original chickens are looking on. Monsieur Poulet has his hands on his hips giving me that all important look again. "No good looking at me like that Monsieur, it doesn't impress me none, these chicks are here to stay". Madam Poulette, gives me that sideways glance and fluffs up her skirt and sidles up to Monsieur. Heather, Feather and Attitude are cautiously looking on at a distance and checking out their manicure and smoothing down their feathers. "I truly expect you five to set an example here and get on nicely with these youngsters" I say, hoping.

The youngsters slowly get out of the box, they are very frightened and instantly huddle together and stay like that for several hours. I introduce them to baby mash and fresh water, which they tuck into immediately and later in the evening I settle them in the coup for a well deserved good night sleep...Now for a chat Sugar Plum...

9 - In Prison

Images - The troublesome hens

Madam Poulette once again sneers, growls and has a go at pecking me this morning. I abandon any idea of trying to pick her up, my confidence level has dropped to minus 10. Hen Attitude, continues to just sit in the far corner of Coup 2 and although successful in shooing her out to join the rest, she continues to squawk like mad, running her marathon at the same time, nr 30 miles per hr - I guess. "How stupid can you get", I say, wondering if hens do have variable degrees of behaviour patterns. "Time will tell, no doubt" once again, muttering to myself. I also think, if people in England heard the way I talk to my new found feathered friends, they would probably classify me totally mad and lock me away - ha ha. I reconcile myself to my muttering that "at least its keeping me sane"...

"Bonjour Carrolll - Ca va!! a double twist to the rr's in Carol and a triple twist to the lll's make my name for the first time ever, sound quite cool - even attractive. I make a mental note to encourage Malcolm to speak to me more with a French accent, he would probably get better results from me instead of Oiu, Scrum or FOB (Sorry can't divulge to an audience what this means. (our little secret)). However I will respond to any guess below put on comments!! "Bonjour {N}, {C} - Ca va trei bien" I respond to the previous owners, who now lives close by. They have come over to let me know that they will be away for the weekend and to ask if everything is alright with me. What a prize opportunity, I think to myself. Yes - correct, here comes the million questions buzzing around in my head, well for now perhaps just a couple. "The Poulet" I say and encourage them to walk with me to Hen Pen Garden. Once again in limited French, I make in-roads in making them understand the problems I have with Attitude & Madam Poulette. "Is this normal" I say. "No problem Carrrollll" says smiling {N}". {C} his wife is talking to me about her Grand daughter and I am desperately trying to understand some of the words she is saying from my French Lessons. At the same time I am alarmed that {N} has put his hand on the back of Madam Poulette neck and then picks her up by the scruff and has taken her outside the coup. I follow, as I definitely do not like the way she is squawking. Before I know it, both hens are shut away in coup 2 and the door locked. "Prison" {C} says smiling "no food or water for 3 days", they will then behave themselves....

My jaw drops and for once I am speechless. I slap myself into action and say "no, this is not necessary, they are not bad birds", its just that I need to understand how to handle situations" I stammer. "The hens will be fine in 3 days - no problem" says smiling {N}. "no food or water is best", I am re-assured by {C}. "God, if this is the way the French do it, then I will not be asking them another question". Maybe I am totally naive: I ask myself and this is how you make chickens behave themselves. "Keep an open mind and do your homework later", I tell myself...

Outside Hen Pen garden, I ask {N} another question, "is it normal for grass to be this waist high? is this what chickens like"? "No, No Carrolll" and walks into my barn and comes out with a scythe. The forever smiling {N} walks into Hen Pen garden and starts to cut the long grass down. My turn to say "No, No {N}, I was not asking you to cut the grass, I can do that, I was just asking the question". We are at the stage when anything and everything said is lost. I am panic stricken and can't think straight for fear of my two lovely hens, which are squawking like mad in coup 2...

We say our goodbye's and I go in-doors for a wine and start to search the Internet for Chicken Prison. I find nothing and I listen outside for the birds but they have quietened down, thankfully...

I struggle like mad coming to terms with this situation and I am definitely not happy. I text Sugar Plum my husband and he just comes back with "not good" and no solution. I do not sleep all night, this cannot be right, I will have to let them out. First thing in the morning, I phone A & B the couple that are moving here in a couple of days and poor my heart out about the events of yesterday. No hesitation from them, "let them out", "chickens get it very quickly but with food and water" they say...I let Madam Poulette and Attitude out of coup 2 and they are fine but just a little bewildered and happy to receive a huge breakfast. The hens were only isolated for less than a day but Madam Poulette has stopped brooding and Attitude hen has now joins in with the gang.

8 - Ouch

I could not sleep last night, knowing the inevitable. I do not want chicks yet, so removing eggs from Madam Poulette is important, I think...

Sugar Plum!! showed me exactly how to pick her up, so here I am with gardening gloves on, dungarees and wellies - ready to do this dreadfully dastardly deed. Madam takes one look at me and already she is growling at me - I snarl back "give me a break please" I beg. I spread my hands out as Malcolm showed me yesterday; already I feel inadequate, his hands are the size of dinner plates, mine small saucers. "Go for it Carol" I tell myself. At speed I enfold my hands over her back and should be wings, I turned my head away, "How can something so simple be so difficult" I mutter. She struggles and pecks at my gardening gloves "Ouch" I shout out, but she does not hurt me, safe with the gloves on. Then suddenly she is out of my grip and plops down hard on the floor. Yes, I had dropped Madam Poulette. I am devastated with myself and know immediately that I should have held her more firmly. "Oh, I am so sorry", I say to her "You did not deserve that, please forgive me" and so I go on being totally pathetic, pleading forgiveness from a chicken...

3 eggs I remove from Madam Poulette's nest and slowly make my way back to sanity, shaken to the core. "Where the hell is Sugar Plum when I need him,". Its too early for a well needed nip of Calvados, so I settle for a strong coffee and read up more from my Poultry Bible. "Not that it seems to be doing me much good so far" But I must pursue the cause...

5 - Hands on

Image - Madam Poulette

"Malcolm, I really do have an urgent need for you to show me how to handle chickens". "How do I pick them up without hurting them"? At this point Malcolm is 100% absorbed with his new Tonka Toy purchase - A Compact Tractor! This fabulous toy will do everything required for running our land mass - except of course, showing me how to pick up chickens. "Take a look at this bit of kit", "its built like a brick shit house" he says smiling. I have more urgent things on my mind. He continues, "Great bucket for transporting the logs and look at that engine" he says enthusiastically. "Mmmm terrific purchase" I say, trying to sound convincing. I conclude at this point that he has his Engineering hat on and there will be little point in attempting to fight the cause any further...I trundle back to the house, grab the all important Poultry Bible and look through the index, on how to handle chickens - Yes you guessed it, nothing. However, from the book I do indeed establish that Madam Poulet is possibly brooding...

Ah Ha, got an answer at last and one all important suggestion is that, if you don't want chicks, then it is best to take the eggs away as soon as possible. "Oh Yes Great - state the obvious" ,"HOW", I shout out angrily. At this point Malcolm comes back into the house. "Right" he says cheerily, "the tractor is all set up for you to take it for a ride, its really great fun, come and have a go"...Book in right hand - what do I do next?