26 - Chicken Poo

My chief task for today is to have a bit of a clean up in Hen Pen Coup, having 9 chickens can get quite messy much of the time, so regular clean outs makes the task that much easier. Also we are still in the midst of a heat wave, so the earlier I tackle this task the better. Truly not my favourite job but with face mask, wellies and dungarees I am ready to take the job on. "Yuk, yuk, yuk, Oh no, how disgustingly horrid". Yes I had forgotten to put my chicken gloves on and the worst has happened to me. To steady myself whilst bringing the cleaning gear into the coup, I grab hold of the nearest perch, only to squeeze through a huge freshly laid lump of Chick Poo. Yuk, I'm clearly feeling squeamish as the poo has digested itself under all my finger nails. No rags to hand, I lend myself to the grass in Hen Pen garden only to wipe more of the same on the hand. I am very near to throwing up and have voweled my days are numbered as a Country Girl, this life is not for me. Battling to get the upper hand here, I can here Max in the background shouting at Louisa. I can't image why Max should be shouting at her and struggle to get up and out of Hen Pen Garden to see if I can help. Too late, Sugar Lump is on the scene saying "What's going on". "She's not pulling her weight" Max complains. "It was Louisa's responsibility to prune the pear trees, but she is only doing half a job". "Sounds about right to me" says Sugar Lump. Louisa then turns on Sugar Lump frowning and says "Rubbish, That's not fair, I've been working my socks off" and adds, "and what have you been doing Sugar Lump"? "Oh I'm on Tractor duty today - planning the exit of another dead tree". Louisa, starts to argue further with Sugar Lump and then Max steps in and shouts over to me. "Carol Irene, do come and sort your daughter out, she's only doing half a job here". Max has clearly taken the responsibility on as Project Manager and probably pushing it a little too far with Louisa. "If he calls me that name just once more, I know a wobbly will have to be the final straw". I mutter to myself as I walk from Hen Pen with chicken poo on my hand to see if I can sort the problem....

Louisa is clearly upset at being shouted at by Max and Sugar Lump and has since down tools and is in a strop. If it had been the chickens that had been in a two and eight then I would know exactly what to do - yes dish up a bowl of corn. Can't do that with this lot, so I offer a cup of tea, so we can encourage to talk the problem through, this does not go down too well at all....

In my book I did not expect any work to be done on the house or in the garden, especially as they are all here on holiday. Just very pleased they are all here and appreciate that they have all been so willing to get stuck in. Every little helps. I can see that all seem a little stressed and uncomfortable, so I suggest that being as the sun is shining and still quite early in the day. "Lets pack up a picnic and head for the coast, which is only 35 minutes away". They all cheer in agreement - lets do it. Max comes rushing over to me and shakes my hand, "great idea Carol Irene, lets go", he smiles. Max not knowing of course, what covers my hand and I am not in a rush to tell him - at long last I have got my own back on him...A result....

20 - A deafening shrill from Hen Pen garden

Image - Tractor Man with Chain Saw

The shrill is excruciatingly deafening and its coming from Hen Pen garden. Even louder than Tractor Man, who has his Chain Saw going at full pelt, he is making in-roads into cutting up a dead pear tree into logs for the Winter. I can see from a distance that there is a lot of flapping of wings and the noise is coming from more than one chicken. I am assisting the Tractor Man in steadying a branch whilst he cuts through; he cock’s an eye toward the hens and say’s “sounds like a lot of fun going on over there”. “Sounds more like death to me, I must go over to see what the problem is” I say. “No give me two ticks and I should be finished here” he insists. I know only too well how long two ticks is, with this Tractor Man., could be all day or longer. “No, please just stop, I literally will only be two ticks, something dreadful is going on over there"…

I let go of the branch and run like mad to Hen Pen garden. I can hear Tractor Man shouting at me but I ignore him. “What the heck is going on here” I ask in anguish. “God only knows” replies Monsieur Poulet; puts his hands on his hips and says “Women”. I am relieved that there is no obvious damage done to the girls, no one appears to be physically hurt or injured. “What do you mean women, have you been upsetting the ladies again”? I say. “Not at all" he says, "just take a look at her". Monsieur Poulet is looking towards a very anguished Madame Attitude. Its quite apparent that Madame Attitude has attitude today, she's squawking and screaming at the top of her voice. Heather and Feather are joining in with a lower shrill and straight guy Monsieur is brushing down his coat and turning his guilty head away from me. “Monsieur Poulet”, I say sternly “have you been romancing with these Madame’s”? The four youngsters have disappeared into the coup, in fear no doubt and keeping their distance. “No worries Chicken Maid!!. "Just leave it to me, I can sort my women out” says lippy cocky Monsieur. “I doubt it”, I say and trundle off and placate the situation with a fresh bowl of corn for all. “You best get back to that noise over there” he says getting the final word…

I look over to where I left the Tractor Man and “Oh my God”, he has fallen on his side with his right leg out stretched; his trouser bottom hooked on a branch that has levered his leg up so high that he cannot move. The Chain Saw is still going but at a distance. I can see that he is not hurt but I ask the question “Are you hurt dearest one? whatever happened?” “Don’t asked”, he says abruptly, “just get me out of this tree”. I desperately try not to snigger as I have never seen his leg up so high and curse that I have not got my camera to hand. Like, they do in a circus, I jump and grab hold of the branch that has grasped hold of Tractor Mans leg and pull the branch down to enable the trouser bottom to be released…

Apart from a scratch to his arm, no real harm has been done, also he is in fine voice as he gives me a lot of ear bashing about abandoning his cause. I gently remind him, when taking on dangerous tasks, that he really should read up on the Health and Safety procedures to ensure that accident like this do not happen. His dinner plate size hands lift to indicate my throat. I say, "put them away Dear One and lets have a nice cup of tea". "TEA" he says in an insulting manner. "I deserve something stronger than that.... "Men" I say to Monsieur Poulet...