27 - Plucking Madam Attitude

I have recently been made aware that the older family, the original 5 Chickens: Monsieur and Madam Poulet, Heather, Feather and Attitude are 10 years old, which in itself is quite an age for chickens. This interesting fact in itself maybe one of the reasons why they are all a little bit tetchy from time to time, with a high level of intolerance for the four youngsters. Madam Attitude is now looking half naked as she or the other chickens are pulling out her feathers. Not an attractive site and in places looks quite bald. She seems in good health but as always very distant and very much a loner. As always she keeps herself to herself and forever checking to see what's going on over her shoulder...

Madams Heather & Feather continue to groom Monsieur Poulet and carry that smug appeal of being superior in the Hen Pen hierarchy of hen power. Also they are not wanting to integrate with the youngsters but continue to peck them regardless for no apparent reason. Pitiful to see really because the youngsters are now larger than inherited five. In Chicken language I am told this is called the Pecking Order...

Monsieur and Madam Poulette are as always a handsome couple, she has a quite reserve for the cockerel. which is returned with mutual respect (with no hanky panky going on). Unlike Heather and Feather, Madam Poulette is extremely tolerant of the youngster's and enjoys their company and shares any food without pecking them. Generally a lovely old bird who will be a great grand hen one day, probably to one of the youngster's off spring...

It goes without saying that it is not in our prime interest to indulge in the taste of the older family. They are still great as layers and produce more eggs than we can eat, otherwise these birds will be too tough to eat I am sure....

The youngsters are growing very big, my favourite hen, newly named: Princess Poulette is such a sweetheart and follows me around regardless. It has been known many time for her to rub herself against my leg, much like a cat would, when I go in feed them. She easily weighs 4lb and the other three youngsters are not far outside of this weight. These three we have raised so that we can eat them-----but in all honesty, I am still not up for that just yet. As for Princess Poulet I hope to breed from her with the current cockerel (Monsieur Poulet) - that is if he is interested...

Note: If anyone knows the average age of chickens before they expire the natural world, I would love to know, please leave MSG on comments below.
Note 2: Any information about feather plucking in chickens would be appreciated, please leave MSG on comments below.

26 - Chicken Poo

My chief task for today is to have a bit of a clean up in Hen Pen Coup, having 9 chickens can get quite messy much of the time, so regular clean outs makes the task that much easier. Also we are still in the midst of a heat wave, so the earlier I tackle this task the better. Truly not my favourite job but with face mask, wellies and dungarees I am ready to take the job on. "Yuk, yuk, yuk, Oh no, how disgustingly horrid". Yes I had forgotten to put my chicken gloves on and the worst has happened to me. To steady myself whilst bringing the cleaning gear into the coup, I grab hold of the nearest perch, only to squeeze through a huge freshly laid lump of Chick Poo. Yuk, I'm clearly feeling squeamish as the poo has digested itself under all my finger nails. No rags to hand, I lend myself to the grass in Hen Pen garden only to wipe more of the same on the hand. I am very near to throwing up and have voweled my days are numbered as a Country Girl, this life is not for me. Battling to get the upper hand here, I can here Max in the background shouting at Louisa. I can't image why Max should be shouting at her and struggle to get up and out of Hen Pen Garden to see if I can help. Too late, Sugar Lump is on the scene saying "What's going on". "She's not pulling her weight" Max complains. "It was Louisa's responsibility to prune the pear trees, but she is only doing half a job". "Sounds about right to me" says Sugar Lump. Louisa then turns on Sugar Lump frowning and says "Rubbish, That's not fair, I've been working my socks off" and adds, "and what have you been doing Sugar Lump"? "Oh I'm on Tractor duty today - planning the exit of another dead tree". Louisa, starts to argue further with Sugar Lump and then Max steps in and shouts over to me. "Carol Irene, do come and sort your daughter out, she's only doing half a job here". Max has clearly taken the responsibility on as Project Manager and probably pushing it a little too far with Louisa. "If he calls me that name just once more, I know a wobbly will have to be the final straw". I mutter to myself as I walk from Hen Pen with chicken poo on my hand to see if I can sort the problem....

Louisa is clearly upset at being shouted at by Max and Sugar Lump and has since down tools and is in a strop. If it had been the chickens that had been in a two and eight then I would know exactly what to do - yes dish up a bowl of corn. Can't do that with this lot, so I offer a cup of tea, so we can encourage to talk the problem through, this does not go down too well at all....

In my book I did not expect any work to be done on the house or in the garden, especially as they are all here on holiday. Just very pleased they are all here and appreciate that they have all been so willing to get stuck in. Every little helps. I can see that all seem a little stressed and uncomfortable, so I suggest that being as the sun is shining and still quite early in the day. "Lets pack up a picnic and head for the coast, which is only 35 minutes away". They all cheer in agreement - lets do it. Max comes rushing over to me and shakes my hand, "great idea Carol Irene, lets go", he smiles. Max not knowing of course, what covers my hand and I am not in a rush to tell him - at long last I have got my own back on him...A result....

25 - Brooding Madam Poulette

Having had an in depth conversation with Emily, we have now decided to allow Madam Poulette the privilege of having chicks of her own. Emily is really taken with the chickens and thinks it a little unfair in denying Madam Poulet the pleasure of raising her own chicks. I agree with Emily but had put myself on hold because I still have not been able to pick up a chicken. Since we moved into the house, Madam Poulette has done little else other than to brood, so hopefully this will sort the problem out. Today, she has 3 eggs in her nest, which we have carefully marked each with an X in pencil. There is a little dilemma here due to the fact that all the hens are wanting to lay their eggs in the same nesting box, so identifying Madam Poulette's eggs is important, we hope that we have chosen correctly...

"So I am going to be a Dad again, ah Chicken Maid Emily". Emily is simply amazed that Monsieur Poulet is talking directly to her. "Did you hear that", Emily says looking at me. "Yes but do not take too much notice of him as he can be extremely lippy and cocky besides.". I continue. "Talk to him if you wish but I am going to have a word with Sugar Plum about putting a couple more nesting boxes up". I leave Emily crouching down, having a word with Monsieur Poulet about his forthcoming offspring. I can see that he is taking the opportunity to show off as he is spreading his colourful wings and pointing out the many colours that adorn his coat...

Sugar Plum is in agreement about the necessity of building two more nesting boxes and will work on it once he has completed a couple of tractor jobs with Max. A results excellent, I am happy, so many jobs getting done this week is remarkable. In the short time that Louisa, Emily and Max have been here, so much has been achieved on the land that it is being transformed daily. We now have in place 3 superb rockeries. The old washing line pulled down. The biggest bonfire ever. The development of a Veggie Patch, Pear tree pruning, Hen Pen Garden grass cut back and the fencing that Monsieur is not happy with....

"He's a miserable old ungrateful chicken" says Emily as she comes into the Kitchen, frowning. "You don't say", I did warn you." "He was having a go at me over that fencing we put up yesterday and could we re-arrange it so that it looks Posh". "He even suggested that we take it down completely so that Madam Attitude could have a nesting place for her chicks". Interested I ask Emily "How did you respond"? "Well, I was tempted to kick him up the parsons nose but decided against it and just called him a miserable old git and turned my back on him and went on to have a chat with the youngsters instead", "he did not like that one little bit, it brought a jealous rage on and he cock-a-doodle-doo until he was blue in the face"....

24 - Ungrateful Monsieur Poulet

"So what do you think of it"? I am having a quite word with Monsieur Poulet about some fencing that Louisa and Emily put up in Hen Pen garden. The aim being to stop Madam Attitude from laying her eggs down the side of the coup. This area is now out of bounds as it was very difficult to collect eggs because the earth is banked up high and a tight squeeze between Hen Pen coup and the boundary fencing. Once we had discovered the 20 eggs in Hen Pen garden, Madam Attitude was very keen to continue laying but out of our possible reach. She thought she had out witted us and was quite determined but thanks to Louisa who discovered her new laying ground, we knew we had to act fast. "Bloody Awful" Monsieur Poulet replies. "Yes I agree with you Monsieur but they did there very best considering the little amount of material available to hand". "Hmmm, I don't like second best" he grumbles. "Me too, but we really should be grateful to Louisa and Emily for all the effort involved and it really is not so bad". "Me and my Madams deserve only Posh". "To be honest with you Monsieur you really do not deserve Posh" I continue. "Maybe one day we will be able to do something posh for you all but until you can show a little more courtesy, respect and add points to your like-ability chart, then Posh is not going to happen" "But I am very much liked he argues "Loved even, you ask Madams Poulette, Heather, Feather and Attitude. If I may be so bold as to say, they actually adore me". He states puffing out his chest. "Your ego, Monsieur is bigger than you". Ooooo. Now who has attitude" he says calmly as he sharpens his spurs....

23 - Where's Madam Attitude

The next morning Louisa, Emily and myself go to Hen Pen garden to feed the chickens their daily 2 bowls of Petit Dejeuner. The chickens scramble to get to the best and tastiest morsels with the usual scrapping between the old and young chickens. It doesn't take me long before I realise that Madam Attitude is missing, we search everywhere under the clumps of grass, in the coups. Nowhere to be seen; I am getting fearful at this stage. Usually it is Madam Attitude that is first on the scene whenever food is about. They all know my voice now and respond quickly but not this time after calling for her several times. We look for holes or gaps in the fencing - the fencing is secure, we continue searching under the clumps of grass for hideaways but nothing. I am perplexed, her whereabouts is a mystery and start to think possibly a fox had taken her even though there is no obvious sign of a struggle or black feathers laying about...

Suddenly, Curry Man appears on the scene and says, "What's going on" a regular saying he used to give for the television soap Eastenders. I put two and two together and came up with DEATH. "Its you, isn't it, you killed Madam Attitude" I shout at him with pointed finger. "No", "now would I" Curry Man says calmly. "Come on" I continue, "time to put your hands up on this one, have you killed Attitude"? I am getting really angry and finding it difficult to stay calm. "No Darling" he says and turns and walks away, adding "I have a curry to sort out for tonight". Rilled by this last comment, I run after Curry Man and slap him on the shoulder with my saucer size hand. He's laughing at me and all I could say was "How could you, how could you, how could you"....

At some point Max slipped into Hen Pen garden un-noticed, he too is searching for Madam Attitude. I can see him kneeling down on the grass to the far corner of Hen Pen garden and suddenly he shouts "Over here Carol Irene" I really wish he would not call me that name, I mutter to myself and make a note that I really must tackle him on that later. "She is over here sitting on a large amount of eggs" he shouts out eagerly. "Excellent Max" and we all trundle over to see where she had been hiding. Madam Attitude had dug out a large hollow under a large clump of grass, it would be easy to miss her unless the grass was lifted or separated, the grass covered her completely. In fact she looked quite cosy. "See I told you so, I didn't kill her" says the indignant Curry Man. "OK, OK, I apologise for jumping to the wrong conclusion" I say feeling exasperated. Max gently coaxes Madam Attitude off the nest and we are astounded at how many eggs there are. Max, starts to count them, which is easy for him as he is an Accountant (just qualified). "Looks like 9 eggs, no 13, no 17, no no sorry there are 20 eggs altogether, that's simply amazing". We are all amazed at such a large quantity of eggs in one nest. "The eggs are all different shapes and sizes" Max continues and puts two and two together and reconciling the differences, states that "All the hens have been dumping their eggs in the one basket - boom boom".... Oh dear...Oh dear Max

No knowing how long the eggs had been sitting in the nest, we destroyed them all. Have you had a similar experience? if so just click on comment below, we would lover to hear about it.

22 - Hooray - They have arrived

The day has come at long last, Louisa, Emily and Max have arrived for a weeks holiday. We greet each with screams of joy and excitement, hugs and kisses. Its been 3 months since we moved to France but it feels like 3 years, missing my family is definately the worst thing I have had to bear since the move. But anyway, they are all here now and we must make the most of this precious time together...

"A cup of tea all round" I say expectantly. "No, please lets see the chickens first" says Emily who's a great lover of all animals. "No, I would like to see round the house first" says Louisa. Louisa being a little prone to allergic reactions where animals is concerned is a little cautious. "Where's the Tractor" says Max... At that point Himself walks through the door saying. "Who mentioned Tractor". We are all laughing and talking at the same time, with more hugs and kisses. We do the rounds of the house and garden and they are all suitable impressed, love it all and think we got very good value for money. "Certainly could never get anything like this in he UK for the money" say Maximus. They all utter there agreements on that one. "Now, what about the tractor I have heard so much about. I'm for the first go" Max insists to Tractor Man...

The two boys go off and play tractor games and talk engine oil, combustion techniques and so on. I can see Monsieur Poulet straining his neck with a hand to his ear, desparately wanting to be one of the boys and join in. He is obviously disappointed that he cannot be part of the team by the way he is pacing up and down. He settles for second best and shouts to his mate near by, who returns his call and so it goes on back and forth...

My daughters meet up with the chickens in Hen Pen garden and they all get to know each other. The older chickens being more cautious towards visitors than the youngsters who easily want to be patted and generally enjoy the attention given. The little ones are really still quite coy, afraid even and prefer to be by themselves, sticking together. Madam Poulet is once again, full on to brooding but for now I take away any eggs that she may have laid, without picking her up. Today, no eggs have been laid, which is a bit surprising but she is happy just to sit on her nest. My daughters are more natural with the chickens than me, I observe, the hens going to Louisa and Emily easily to be stroked and patted. I monitor their techniques and say to myself, I must surely be able to do that. My mental note pad to hand, the technique has been stored...

I explain how the older hens are egg layers and that the younger ones fatteners. "What do you mean fatteners" ask Emily, readily looking concerned. "You are not going to eat them, are you"? "Yes but No" I stammer unknowingly. "Himself, wouldn't kill them to eat - would he"? There's a desparation in Emily's voice about our intentions and I am not sure of my answer. Louisa joins in "What do you mean Yes but No"? I explain about the good life senario and how obvious it is, that rearing your own animals to eat, is by far the best method of knowing exactly what you are eating. The benefits are paramount in taste and quality in comparison to battery raised hens for supermarket chains. In addition, we are giving these chickens a very good life style in return by the way they are kept, fed and looked after. "So you are going to kill and eat them" says Louisa. "It is difficult for me" I say truthfully "At this stage, I truly do not know. I would like to think I could but there is still very much a townie about me". At this point Himself - raises his voice from the mens Tractor meeting point and shouts "They are going to make excellent curries, just leave it all to me"....

21 - Tug-of-War

Its breakfast time and I take to my 9 little lovelies 2 bowls of petite dejeuner. I'm in a bit of a hurry as I was up late and behind with my plans for an early trip to the market. Having placed the bowls on the ground I then check the coup for eggs. "Ah ha, a result" I say and "well done girls", we have 3 eggs. My plans are on today, in attempting to impress Sugar Lump by making him a special Creme Brulee supper pudding - I am happy. Having come out of the coup, I notice Madam Heather downing a very long length of ham rind "Oh no", I shout out. Realising immediately that I had dished their food up and forgotten to cut the ham rind into small pieces...

I can see that Madam Heather is struggling to down the rind in one lump, so I go over to aid her digestive passage. I manage to grab hold of the end and give it a gentle pull, coaxing the rind back up her throat. To my astonishment Madam Heather, then gives a more superior tug and swallows a bit more. "This cannot be right" I say to Heather. "Let it go and I will chop it up into small pieces - that way we can avoid you choking to death". A gurgling comes from the back of her throat and I am worried that this is her demise. My dear sweet Madam Heather, who is instantly forgiven for pecking at the youngsters, is going to die all because I overlooked the obvious. "What will Sugar Lump think of me". I cannot give up, I am still holding the rind as we work a Tug-of-war. The length of rind appears to be twice as long now, stretchy much like an elastic band. I am getting impatient and want the result of keeping my bird alive and about to give up when a piercing, screeching Monsieur Poulet is shouting in my ear. "Get of my land and leave my women along, Chicken Maid" he cock-a-doodle-doo's arrogantly. The noise has stunned both of us and we both spring back in surprise as I let go of the rind and find myself in a sitting position. The tug-of-war is over as the rind pings back to Madam Heather and to my astonishment winds itself round her beak. Monsieur Poulet continues shouting his mouth off and then notices Madam Heather unable to speak. He goes over to her and unwinds the rind, whispering sweet nothings to her at the same time. With one almighty pull, succeeds in retrieving the rind in one piece and to my astonishment gobbles the rind up at speed. Near speechless I say "I hope you choke on it, that was a real mean thing to do" and attempt to get up and out of Hen Pen garden. As I stand, the 3 eggs collected had smashed in my dungarees pocket and now dripping disgustingly down my leg into my wellington boots, I was in hell once again... Creme Brulee is put on hold and so is my trip to market...